Breaking Point
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: He may have chosen SHIELD in the end and rejoined Coulson's team, but Ward hits his breaking point after a rough week.


**I don't own SHIELD and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

_Warning for a suicide attempt._

* * *

Ward had more good days than bad now, but he still couldn't help but feel he didn't deserve a second chance. Why had this team taken him back? He was a massive fuck-up who couldn't be trusted. It didn't help that this week had just been one bad day after another, and he couldn't take it anymore. Grant Ward had finally reached his breaking point. So he waited for the perfect opportunity, which arose when everyone else stepped off the Bus to spend a fun day out as tourists after wrapping the latest case. He opted out, telling them he was just going to hang out and read. Still pissed at him because of a fight earlier the week, a happy Skye thought nothing of it. "You going to attack the punching bag too?"

She meant for that to hurt, and her words hit its target. He hoped he hid the cringe, but Ward had no idea if he was successful or not since she wasn't looking at him. "Maybe," he lied.

Skye rolled her eyes and then turned around to follow May out. A worried Coulson flicked his gaze towards Ward. Something just seemed off about the specialist, and he couldn't figure out what. He knew it wasn't Hydra (or trust) related, but he had a gut feeling this day wasn't going to end well for some reason. What that reason was, he wasn't sure. "You okay?"

Ward was more than a little surprised Coulson asked the question. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. Have fun while we're gone!" Coulson waved goodbye and then walked out, leaving Ward by himself.

He sat down and stared into space for a while. He knew what he needed – had – to do, but first he had to work up the courage. Ward knew he was acting like an idiot, but none of that mattered. Redemption was impossible, Skye hated him and always would, and Fitz was the only one who acted like he could be trusted. And most days, Ward wasn't even sure if that was true. From what he heard and knew, Fitz had been so sure he wasn't Hydra. Fitz had been the one to talk to him down. He reminded Ward of his little brother, but he quickly shut that thought down. He couldn't go there or else he'd waver. And that couldn't happen. He knew what needed to be done.

Ward contemplated writing a note explaining his reasoning, but decided against it. He didn't have the energy, anyway. And besides, why would they care? He meant nothing to them now other than their teammate who could turn on them any second. They had to keep an eye on him. He couldn't stand living in this hell anymore. It hurt way too much. John Garrett cost him everything that mattered and his hatred for the man would never vanish.

He wandered around the Bus for hours, thinking about all the fun times they had (he avoided the cargo bay at first since it reminded him of the day he lost Skye forever) and how he ruined it. He knew what he was about to do might hurt them (most likely not, though) and he hated himself even more. That was the last thing he wanted to do, but Ward couldn't stand this overwhelming pain anymore. And when he finally worked up the courage to do what needed to be done, Ward did end up back in the cargo bay. Skye should have let Deathlok kill him that day but let him live for some stupid reason. The light in his darkness, Ward refused to ruin her anymore. She deserved so much better. Ward sighed as he took his gun out and looked at it. This was the right thing to do, but the numb feeling he had relied on this entire week slowly gave way to relief and grief. Weird emotions to experience at the same time, but he didn't question it. He had just raised the gun to his head and closed his eyes when he heard a click and a sharp gasp. "Ward, put the gun down!" a shocked May ordered.

He opened his eyes to see a worried looking May, Coulson, and Fitz. "I can't." And much to his surprise, his voice broke.

"I knew we shouldn't have left him alone." Coulson wished he listened to his gut feeling earlier, but at least that feeling led to the three of them coming back early. They weren't supposed to be home for another few hours.

"How'd you find me?"

"The tracking bracelet we slapped on you after you came back to us," May reminded him. He clearly wasn't acting rationally right now so she didn't blame him for not remembering.

Fitz quickly texted Simmons to tell her to stall Skye as long as she could. He didn't want her to walk in on this. "Ward, come on. You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do. I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much." Why were they trying to talk him out of this? Ward honestly didn't understand. He wanted out of this life.

"Is it because of this week? I know it hasn't been a good one for you." Coulson tried to keep his voice calm and steady so Ward didn't spook.

"It's been really bad, but everything keeps piling up. I am a fucking murderer who doesn't deserve to be here. I never did." Ward choked back a sob.

"Of course you deserve to be alive, Ward. Your family? They never should have treated you the way they did. That's on them. And Garrett just added to the abuse you suffered. But you have a family here."

His eyes opened. "I don't. I never fit in anywhere, do you understand that? No one wants me. You only keep me here because you have to. I can't be released into the general population or I'll kill someone."

"You think no one loves you." The look of horror on Fitz's face made Ward feel even worse.

"Why would they?" Ward wanted to spare them this, but this attempt to help was only making things worse. He needed to do this.

"Because deep down, you're still a good person who had a lot of fucked up things happen to him. And yeah, you've done a lot you shouldn't have, but you've been working hard to try and fix it." Coulson gingerly smiled at him.

"And we do you love. You're the brother I never had, Ward. Remember that time you saved me and Jemma from Garrett? I talked you down then too."

"I nearly killed you," Ward pointed out.

"But you didn't. You saved us. And Ward, you don't have to shut us out. We are here for you," Fitz assured him. Shocked he hadn't broken yet, Fitz knew it'd happen sooner or later.

"Just put the gun down and we can talk," May tried.

Tears pouring down his face, Ward lowered the gun and Coulson gently took it out of his hands. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Coulson put the safety on and tucked the gun away.

"Please don't tell Skye. She can't know about this." Ward didn't want to see her reaction – he couldn't handle it.

"We won't. We won't tell her anything if you don't want us to." Fitz squeezed his shoulder. The three of them gently herded Ward up to the kitchen to feed him. They were all worried about him and that wouldn't go away for a long time. "You haven't been eating well. I'll make you anything you want. Or we can have Jemma and Skye pick something up." Fitz grinned at Ward.

"Don't go through all that effort for me."

"You know what? Let's have the girls pick up some pizza – we deserve to eat something other than plane food for once." Coulson left to go make his quick call phone.

When Skye and Jemma returned forty-five minutes later, the six of them dug into the pizza. "This is good," Ward murmured. He still felt like shit and couldn't see a way up, but the others hadn't given up on him yet. He'd cling to that for as long as he could.

"Glad you think so." Skye smiled at him and then sat down to talk to Jemma and Fitz about something.

Ward was from being okay – he had a lot of issues to overcome – but he would be in time with the support of his family.


End file.
